The Noble Prophet (ﷺ) in the capacity of a husband
You were the busiest person of your time. You (ﷺ) were not only a prophet but also a guide for people, and you were engaged in teaching and learning. Despite all this, you used to visit your wives daily, meet them. Ummul Momineen Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said
حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ، – يَعْنِي ابْنَ أَبِي الزِّنَادِ – عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ يَا ابْنَ أُخْتِي كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم لاَ يُفَضِّلُ بَعْضَنَا عَلَى بَعْضٍ فِي الْقَسْمِ مِنْ مُكْثِهِ عِنْدَنَا وَكَانَ قَلَّ يَوْمٌ إِلاَّ وَهُوَ يَطُوفُ عَلَيْنَا جَمِيعًا فَيَدْنُو مِنْ كُلِّ امْرَأَةٍ مِنْ غَيْرِ مَسِيسٍ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ إِلَى الَّتِي هُوَ يَوْمُهَا فَيَبِيتُ عِنْدَهَا وَلْقَدْ قَالَتْ سَوْدَةُ بِنْتُ زَمْعَةَ حِينَ أَسَنَّتْ وَفَرِقَتْ أَنْ يُفَارِقَهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ يَوْمِي لِعَائِشَةَ . فَقَبِلَ ذَلِكَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مِنْهَا قَالَتْ نَقُولُ فِي ذَلِكَ أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى وَفِي أَشْبَاهِهَا أُرَاهُ قَالَ { وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِنْ بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا } .
Narrated Hisham b. ‘Urwah: On the authority of his father that ‘Aishah said: O my nephew, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) did not prefer one of us to the other in respect of his division of the time of his staying with us. It was very rare that he did not visit us any day (i.e. he visited all of us every day). He would come near each of his wives without having intercourse with her until he reached the one who had her day and passed his night with her. When Saudah daughter of Zam’ah became old and feared that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) would divorce her, she said: Messenger of Allah, I give to ‘Aishah the day you visit me. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) accepted it from her. She said: We think that Allah, the Exalted, revealed about this or similar matter the Qur’anic verse: “If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part….” (Sunan Abi Dawud)
Invoking with a Beautiful Name
This is also a way of expressing love, that a person calls his wife with good and affectionate names. Thus, Sayyida Aisha (رضي الله عنها) states:
حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ يُونُسَ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، قَالَ أَبُو سَلَمَةَ إِنَّ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَوْمًا “ يَا عَائِشَ، هَذَا جِبْرِيلُ يُقْرِئُكِ السَّلاَمَ ”. فَقُلْتُ وَعَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ، تَرَى مَا لاَ أَرَى. تُرِيدُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم.
Narrated Abu Salama: `Aisha said, “Once Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said (to me), ‘O Aish (`Aisha)! This is Gabriel greeting you.’ I said, ‘Peace and Allah’s Mercy and Blessings be on him, you see what I don’t see’ ” She was addressing Allah ‘s Apostle. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
Taking a bath in one vessel
The expression of love for one’s spouse is also remarkable in that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) used to meet with his wife, perform the ritual ablution (ghusl), and express his love. So, Sayyidah Aisha (رضي الله عنها) narrates:
وَعَنْ عَائِشَةَ قَالَتْ: كُنْتُ أَغْتَسِلُ أَنَا وَرَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مِنْ إِنَاءٍ بيني وَبَينه وَاحِد فَيُبَادِرُنِي حَتَّى أَقُولَ دَعْ لِي دَعْ لِي قَالَت وهما جنبان
Mu’adha reported ‘A’isha as saying, “God’s messenger and I used to wash from one vessel which stood between us, and he would get ahead of me, so that I would say, ‘Give me a chance, give me a chance.’ ” She said that they had had sexual intercourse. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Bidding farewell to home, expressing love
وَعَنْ عَائِشَةَ, رَضِيَ اَللَّهُ عَنْهَا; { أَنَّ اَلنَّبِيَّ - صلى الله عليه وسلم -قَبَّلَ بَعْضَ نِسَائِهِ, ثُمَّ خَرَجَ إِلَى اَلصَّلَاةِ وَلَمْ يَتَوَضَّأْ } أَخْرَجَهُ أَحْمَدُ, وَضَعَّفَهُ اَلْبُخَارِيّ ُ 1 .
1 - صحيح. رواه أحمد (610)، وهو وإن ضعفه البخاري، وأعله غيره إلا أن هناك من صححه وهو الصواب.Narrated ‘Aisha (rad): The Prophet (ﷺ) kissed one of his wives and went to pray without performing (fresh) ablution. (Bulugh al-Maram)
In our society, the increasing divorce rate, husband-wife disputes, and the growing differences between spouses can be resolved by following the practical example set by the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ).
Respect for those with a relationship with the wife
Loving one’s spouse’s parents is also a sign of a good husband. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) had great affection for the parents of his wife, Sayyida Aisha (رضي الله عنها), particularly for her father, Majid Sayyidna Siddiq Akbar (رضي الله عنه). It is narrated in a hadith that Sayyidna Anas (رضي الله عنه) said: “It was said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who among the people is the most beloved to you?’ He said, ‘Aisha’s father.
حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ عَبْدَةَ، وَالْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ الْحَسَنِ الْمَرْوَزِيُّ، قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا الْمُعْتَمِرُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ، عَنْ حُمَيْدٍ، عَنْ أَنَسٍ، قَالَ قِيلَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَىُّ النَّاسِ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْكَ قَالَ ” عَائِشَةُ ” . قِيلَ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ قَالَ ” أَبُوهَا ” .
It was narrated that Anas said: “It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, which of the people is most beloved to you?’ He said: “Aishah.’ It was asked, ‘And among men?’ He said: ‘Her father.'” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
As a husband, it is essential to respect and honor the relatives of one’s wife. This not only elevates the status of the wife in the eyes of her family but also fosters greater love for the husband in her heart. In this regard, it is worth mentioning that as a husband, the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) held his relationship with the noble wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) in high regard.
Thoughts of the wife’s friends
حَدَّثَنِي عُمَرُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ حَسَنٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبِي، حَدَّثَنَا حَفْصٌ، عَنْ هِشَامٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ قَالَتْ مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى أَحَدٍ مِنْ نِسَاءِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى خَدِيجَةَ، وَمَا رَأَيْتُهَا، وَلَكِنْ كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُكْثِرُ ذِكْرَهَا، وَرُبَّمَا ذَبَحَ الشَّاةَ، ثُمَّ يُقَطِّعُهَا أَعْضَاءً، ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُهَا فِي صَدَائِقِ خَدِيجَةَ، فَرُبَّمَا قُلْتُ لَهُ كَأَنَّهُ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِي الدُّنْيَا امْرَأَةٌ إِلاَّ خَدِيجَةُ. فَيَقُولُ إِنَّهَا كَانَتْ وَكَانَتْ، وَكَانَ لِي مِنْهَا وَلَدٌ.
Narrated `Aisha: I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) as much as I did of Khadija though I did not see her, but the Prophet (ﷺ) used to mention her very often, and when ever he slaughtered a sheep, he would cut its parts and send them to the women friends of Khadija. When I sometimes said to him, “(You treat Khadija in such a way) as if there is no woman on earth except Khadija,” he would say, “Khadija was such-and-such, and from her I had children.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)
The relationship with the sister of Sayyidah Khadijah (رضي الله عنها)
Umm al-Mu’minin Syeda Aisha (رضي الله عنها) narrates that Syeda Hala bint Khuwaylid, the sister of Khadijah, requested permission to serve the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). Upon hearing this request, the Prophet (ﷺ) recalled Syeda Khadijah’s permission, and he was pleased by this memory. He then said:
اللهمَّ هَالَهُ بِئْتُ خُوَيْلِدِ فَعِرْتُ فَقُلْتُ: وَمَا تَذَكَّرُ مِنْ تَجُوزِ مِنْ عَجَائِزِ قُرَيْشٍ، حمراء الشَّدْقَينِ، هَلَكَتْ في الدَّهْرِ فَأَبْدَلَكَ اللهُ خَيْرًا مِنْهَا
O Allah, these are the sons of Khawailad! (as Lady Aisha mentions) Upon seeing this, I felt envy and I said, ‘Do you remember that heavyset woman from the Quraish? It has been a long time since her passing. Has Allah replaced her with someone better for you, O Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)?’
This statement greatly saddened the Noble Prophet, and he replied, ‘No one can ever replace Khadijah (رضي الله عنها). She believed in me when everyone was against me.’ (Sahih Muslim:2436)
To assist with domestic chores, the wife lends a helping hand
The Prophet of Allah (ﷺ), despite his numerous engagements, used to engage in household chores, assisting the members of his household with their tasks, and serving them. On one occasion, he inquired from Sayyida Aisha (رضي الله عنها), “What did the Prophet of Mercy (ﷺ) used to do in his house?” She replied:
حَدَّثَنَا آدَمُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا الْحَكَمُ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنِ الأَسْوَدِ، قَالَ سَأَلْتُ عَائِشَةَ مَا كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَصْنَعُ فِي بَيْتِهِ قَالَتْ كَانَ يَكُونُ فِي مِهْنَةِ أَهْلِهِ ـ تَعْنِي خِدْمَةَ أَهْلِهِ ـ فَإِذَا حَضَرَتِ الصَّلاَةُ خَرَجَ إِلَى الصَّلاَةِ.
Narrated Al-Aswad: That he asked `Aisha “What did the Prophet (ﷺ) use to do in his house?” She replied, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time for prayer he would go for it.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)
Engaging in domestic chores
A question was asked to Sayyida Aisha (رضي الله عنها), “What do you do at home?” So Sayyida Aisha (رضي الله عنها) replied
كان يخيطُ ثَوْبَهُ، وَيَخْصِفُ نَعْلَهُ، وَيَعْمَلُ مَا يَعْمَلُ الرِّجَالُ فِي بُيُوتِهِمْ
You would mend your clothes, lace up your shoes, and perform household chores like a man does in his own home. (Musnad Ahmad:24903)
Upbringing of the wife
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), who possessed knowledge of humanity, not only imparted religious education to people but also took care of the education and upbringing of his family. In domestic matters, wherever he saw any deficiencies, he would rectify them.
Encouraging family members towards divine worship
وَعَنْ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا قَالَتْ: كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا دَخَلَ الْعَشْرُ شَدَّ مِئْزَرَهُ وَأَحْيَا ليله وَأَيْقَظَ أَهله
She said that when the last ten nights began God’s messenger prepared himself for religious exercises, stayed awake at night and wakened his family. (Bukhari and Muslim)
Sayedah Aisha (رضي الله عنها) says:
وَحَدَّثَنَا زُهَيْرُ بْنُ حَرْبٍ، حَدَّثَنَا جَرِيرٌ، عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ تَمِيمِ بْنِ سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ عُرْوَةَ بْنِ الزُّبَيْرِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُصَلِّي مِنَ اللَّيْلِ فَإِذَا أَوْتَرَ قَالَ “ قُومِي فَأَوْتِرِي يَا عَائِشَةُ ” .
‘A’isha reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) used to pray in the night and when he observed Witr, he said to me: O ‘A’isha, get up and observe Witr. (Sahih Muslim)
Justice among multiple wives
If we analyze Muslim society, we find that it is experiencing a rapid decline in morals and values. There are many individuals who are failing to uphold the principles of marital rights and justice. The erosion of justice between parents and spouses is on the rise. On one hand, some parents treat their wives and life partners as mere commodities, considering them lower than a concubine. On the other hand, children set examples of disrespect by mistreating their mothers and falsely accusing their parents, leading to disgrace within the family. Disrespectful actions often result in the expulsion of family members from their homes. Mistakes are made on both sides, and even those men who have multiple wives often fail to maintain fairness among them.
In terms of residence, comfort, clothing, food, and marital rights, there is an alarming imbalance and a lack of justice in the present time. This situation is a serious concern for Western culture, as it undermines love and creates fear. If only people would learn from your actions and pay attention to this command, raising the standard of justice. You yourself had eleven wives, but no one ever complained that you did not uphold justice among us.
As the Mother of the Believers, Lady Aisha (ﷺ) said,
وَعَنْ عُرْوَةَ قَالَ: { قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ: يَا اِبْنَ أُخْتِي ! كَانَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ - صلى الله عليه وسلم -لَا يُفَضِّلُ بَعْضَنَا عَلَى بَعْضٍ فِي اَلْقَسْمِ مِنْ مُكْثِهِ عِنْدَنَا , وَكَانَ قَلَّ يَوْمٌ إِلَّا وَهُوَ يَطُوفُ عَلَيْنَا جَمِيعًا , فَيَدْنُو مِنْ كُلِّ اِمْرَأَةٍ مِنْ غَيْرِ مَسِيسٍ , حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ اَلَّتِي هُوَ يَوْمُهَا , فَيَبِيتَ عِنْدَهَا } رَوَاهُ أَحْمَدُ , وَأَبُو دَاوُدَ وَاللَّفْظُ لَهُ , وَصَحَّحَهُ اَلْحَاكِم
Narrated ‘Urwah (RA): ‘Aishah (RA) said: “O my nephew, Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) would not prefer some of us over others regarding the division of the time he would spend with us. It was very rare that he would not visit us all, and come near each of his wives without having intercourse with her, till he reached the one whose day it was, and spent the night with her.” (Bulugh al-Maram)
Equality in livelihood
حَدَّثَنَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ الْمُنْذِرِ، حَدَّثَنَا أَنَسُ بْنُ عِيَاضٍ، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، عَنْ نَافِعٍ، أَنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ بْنَ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَامَلَ خَيْبَرَ بِشَطْرِ مَا يَخْرُجُ مِنْهَا مِنْ ثَمَرٍ أَوْ زَرْعٍ، فَكَانَ يُعْطِي أَزْوَاجَهُ مِائَةَ وَسْقٍ ثَمَانُونَ وَسْقَ تَمْرٍ وَعِشْرُونَ وَسْقَ شَعِيرٍ، فَقَسَمَ عُمَرُ خَيْبَرَ، فَخَيَّرَ أَزْوَاجَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَنْ يُقْطِعَ لَهُنَّ مِنَ الْمَاءِ وَالأَرْضِ، أَوْ يُمْضِيَ لَهُنَّ، فَمِنْهُنَّ مَنِ اخْتَارَ الأَرْضَ وَمِنْهُنَّ مَنِ اخْتَارَ الْوَسْقَ، وَكَانَتْ عَائِشَةُ اخْتَارَتِ الأَرْضَ.
Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar: The Prophet (ﷺ) concluded a contract with the people of Khaibar to utilize the land on the condition that half the products of fruits or vegetation would be their share. The Prophet (ﷺ) used to give his wives one hundred Wasqs each, eighty Wasqs of dates and twenty Wasqs of barley. (When `Umar became the Caliph) he gave the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) the option of either having the land and water as their shares, or carrying on the previous practice. Some of them chose the land and some chose the Wasqs, and `Aisha chose the land. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
Prayer to the Lord Almighty for justice among spouses
It was not the case that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) ever became displeased with any of his wives. He did, at times, become displeased with his wives. There was a time when, due to his dissatisfaction, he did not meet his wives for a month. However, despite this, he never physically harmed any of his wives. Sayyidah Aisha (رضي الله عنها) narrates.
حَدَّثَنَا هَارُونُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ الْهَمْدَانِيُّ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَةُ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ: مَا ضَرَبَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، بِيَدِهِ شَيْئًا قَطُّ، إِلا أَنْ يُجَاهِدَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللهِ، وَلا ضَرَبَ خَادِمًا َوِلا امْرَأَةً.
‘A’isha said (may Allah be well pleased with her): “Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) never struck anything with his hand unless he was struggling in the cause of Allah [jihad], nor did he ever strike a servant or a woman.” (Ash-Shama’il Al-Muhammadiyah)
Instead of pointing out the flaws of the wife, mention her virtues
In every human being, there are many virtues, along with some flaws, because apart from the prophets and angels who are free from sin, everyone else is prone to making mistakes. When errors occur in interactions with others, it becomes inevitable even for husbands and wives. In such a situation, a knowledgeable husband and a wise wife are those who not only avoid wrongdoing but also prioritize goodness over wrongs. Thus, it is narrated from Abu Huraira (رضي الله عنه) that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
وَعَنْهُ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «لَا يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ» . رَوَاهُ مُسلم
He reported God’s Messenger as saying, “A believer must not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.”
Muslim transmitted it. (Mishkat al-Masabih)
