Islamic Teachings Regarding Condolences
At the time of someone’s death, it is a tradition to counsel the deceased’s relatives to have patience. The Holy Prophet (ﷺ) used to console the Muslims on such occasions, as it is narrated from the famous companion Hazrat Qasim (رضي الله عنه) that:
أَنَّ النَّبِيُّ كَانَ يُعَنِّي الْمُسْلِمِينَ فِي مَصَائِبِهِمْ . مصنف عبدالرزاق، الرقم : ۶۰۷۱
The Virtue of Condolence
حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ رَافِعٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سُوقَةَ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنِ الأَسْوَدِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ “ مَنْ عَزَّى مُصَابًا فَلَهُ مِثْلُ أَجْرِهِ ” .
It was narrated that ‘Abdullah said: “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘Whoever consoles a person stricken by calamity will have a reward equal to his.’”(Sunan Ibn Majah)
وَعَنْ أَبِي بَرْزَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «مَنْ عَزَّى ثَكْلَى كسي بردا فِي الْجَنَّةِ» . رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيُّ وَقَالَ: هَذَا حَدِيثٌ غَرِيب
Abu Barza reported God’s messenger as saying, “He who comforts a bereaved woman will be clothed with a striped garment in paradise.”
Tirmidhi transmitted it, saying this is a gharib tradition.(Mishkat al-Masabih)
The Recommended Manner of Offering Condolences
The prescribed way of offering condolences is to provide comfort to the deceased’s relatives and associates, exhort them to exercise patience, and make supplications for the forgiveness of the deceased while bestowing rewards upon them.
In summary, offering condolences entails expressing sorrow to the bereaved or the deceased’s family, consoling them, encouraging patience, and saying words that alleviate their grief. For example, one can say, “May Allah forgive the departed, elevate their status, and grant you immense patience,” or express that the deceased was entrusted by Allah, who has taken them, and so on.
إِنَّ لِلَّهِ مَا أَخَذَ وَلَهُ مَا أَعْطَى وَكُلٌّ عِندَهُ بِأَجَلٍ مُسَمًّى فَلْتَصْبِرُ وَلْتَحْتَسِب
Julia is also God’s creation, and whatever is given is also His property. Everything has a predetermined time in His possession (meaning the lifespan of a deceased was determined). So be patient! And have hope for reward.) And these words can also be said:
“إن لله ما أخذ وله ما أعطى . وكل شيء عنده بأجل مُسمى … فلتصبر ولتحتسب ”
وإن قال: “أعظم الله أجرك ، وأحسن عزاءك وغفر لميتك” فحسنSurely, Allah takes what is His, and what He gives is His, and to all things He has appointed a time… so have patience and be rewarded. May Allah magnify your reward, and make perfect your bereavement, and forgive your. (Hisn al-Muslim)
What should be the intention in offering condolences?
With sincere condolences, it should only be for the sake of Allah Almighty’s pleasure. There should be absolutely no intention of showing off in this. Similarly, there should be no intention of seeking rewards in offering condolences. If someone is unable to attend or offer condolences for any reason, their relationship and communication should not be terminated. Condolences are not just a formal ritual; offering condolences should be done with the intention and emotion of sharing the grief of the deceased’s family. The period for offering condolences is three days, after which it is discouraged. However, if someone is unable to offer condolences within three days due to travel, illness, or any other reason, it is permissible to offer condolences even after three days.
To offer condolences through letter, message, and the like
Someone, in their engagement, illness, old age, or being away from their country, etc., can also express condolences through letters, mobile phone messages, and WhatsApp, etc.
How many times should condolences be offered?
When someone passes away, it is recommended to visit their home for condolence only once. There is no evidence for continuous visits to their house for three days; in fact, it is discouraged.
Respect for Women
When a man, whether lawful or unlawful, passes away, it is appropriate for women to visit women for condolence, avoiding any violations of religious principles and immodesty. However, women should not gather in a congregation from far and wide for prayers and recitation of the Quran, and it is even more undesirable that women who are not lawful for the deceased men do not observe the veil on such occasions. All of these actions are contrary to the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah, so they should be avoided. Nevertheless, it is advisable for non-mahram women to refrain from looking at the deceased man’s face. However, if there is no fear of fitnah (temptation), it is permissible to look, but the gathering of non-mahram women for viewing the deceased’s face and making it a customary practice should be avoided.
Visited the bereaved house on the first Eid for condolences
The instruction is that in the year in which someone in a household has passed away, it is considered obligatory to visit that house on the first day of the upcoming Eid for condolences. From a religious perspective, there is no such requirement, and deeming it obligatory and observing it is not correct.
Preparing a meal for the deceased for one day and one night
It is recommended for the neighbors of the deceased and distant relatives on the occasion of a death to arrange food for the family of the deceased for one day and one night. In the light of the blessed sayings, the intention behind this directive is that if the family of the deceased is occupied with the preparation and burial of the deceased, they may not be able to arrange for food. In such a case, food should be prepared for them, and if they do not eat due to grief, it should not be insisted upon
Arrangements for food for those coming for condolences
For those who come to offer condolences, it is not appropriate to arrange food, whether it is on the first day, the third day, the tenth day, the fortieth day, or on the anniversary, because hosting a meal is done on occasions of happiness, not on occasions of grief. Islamic scholars have deemed such invitations and feasts in times of mourning as undesirable. However, for distant relatives and guests who come from far away for the purpose of offering condolences, it is permissible to provide them with food.
